
The problem is that getting a cake from someone sucks. Especially from the same person two days in a row. Not that I think S. is to blame - quite the opposite, I think there's something interfering between us, but...
After my mum verbally slaughtered and tore me apart in the morning, again not letting me sleep, all I wanted to do was call A. It was everything that I wanted to do. I wanted to ask him out for a coffee, I wanted to distract myself and feel supported and with some perspective on the future away from my mum and that I was on my way to trusting people and having confidence in people; being loved and loving people for choice, e choose those I could call family.
Settling things with my master on my own and not owing my mum any satisfaction for my decision took a weight off my back, knowing that perhaps I was once again solidifying my role as the apprentice I was under the guidance of the one chosen to instruct me by the Goddess herself.
But today, all I wanted was to talk to someone who seemed to appreciate me and want me around for who I really am.
Oh dear. Just thinking about his smile and how I feel, or rather felt, close to him in the hours and opportunities we've spent together, made me tear up. And I'm not even on my period...
I think I'll look at my new decks and do a test run with each one.
I miss him so much... Him, T., L... everyone who was and is dearest to me, however short our time together may have been.
...
Blessed be.


