I didn't even have time to finish the entry about my mum boycotting me before she did it again.

I really don't understand why she wants to screw me over and finish me off. It must make her feel very good about herself, it doesn't make sense to me that she has any motivation other than sadism. In the end, she chose my father, the guy she calls a monster but from whom she copies methods to bring me down and torture me psychologically.

But she won't make it.

I'd sent a message to say that, coincidentally or not, the guy my cards say is T.'s chosen one was (and is, until now, 6.38pm) sitting at the table literally opposite mine. I don't know why I told you. I don't know why I keep doing this.

K. warned me, my teacher warned me, and I myself know that I can't share such experiences, especially if they involve spirituality, with my mum. Why did I mention that he's in front of me?

What I've done is put my own arse on the line, since she called me and shouted at me so much that I got dizzy, and I know that I have the saddest, most dejected expression after the call ended. I'm trying to get the sadness out of my eyes because I can feel it; but I also feel that I'm not succeeding.

I know that before I was confident and now I'm defeated. What a bollocks.

At the moment, my mum is to Hera as I am to Hephaestus. Add to that Sisyphus who keeps trying to roll the stone to the top of the hill, I'm like a rare evolution of some pokémon, a fuck-up that Mum is throwing out of what should be her home at the same time as I'm uselessly rolling the stone for eternity to get to what was supposed to be my home, but isn't.

I don't have a home. I need a flat for myself, something like that, because the last thing I wanted for myself was to identify 100% with the lyrics of Listen again. Ass.

Blessed be.