I wasn't going to write anything. But my mum said that Hecate told her to tell me that I had to write about "today" sitting where I am.
I'd promised the Goddess that I wouldn't write again until after Lent, effectively quarantining myself, and I think she's come to collect. More than right.
Today was... interesting. I was going to go out with S. to study Tarot, but we happened to bump into R. and, outspoken as she is, she immediately took over the day and stopped my Tarot lesson that I was going to give S.
But that led me to draw cards for another protégé of the Lady of the Night, and discover that my master is also of the Lady. I never knew that, and I'm honoured to hear it. She's pretty cool, really, it makes sense to have a Goddess on your shoulder like I do. And still the same. I'm amazed that Hecate even chose me.
Today, T.'s chosen one came out of his quarantine. After not posting anything on Instagram since 8 March, I had been worried until L., T., K., and the Gypsy Ticia (who I have no idea who she is), apart from the Persian Goddess whose identity I have yet to discover, told me that I would know he was physically well on 1 April. Said and done.
He posted a singing reel today, and I missed him so much it broke my heart. I've decided not to work as a prayer therapist this month - I'm going to focus on my studies, not on my practice. Because when I draw for others, I feel like drawing for myself and I see my cards for others being confirmed while all the cards I draw for myself are not.
I apologised to him for burdening him, even though he asked me to tell him everything... But he didn't reply, and if I were him, I wouldn't either. I deleted the Instagram app, considering that I only downloaded it to know that he was alive and well. Its function has been fulfilled.
The Maha Lilah told me to focus on myself, to trust in divine providence and the I-Ching told me to trust in T. And I do, and that's why it hurts. Because I trust so much that I don't want to fail him again. I don't want to fail L. by not being able to bring him to life as I did in my last life.
Perhaps dedicating myself to my studies is the answer for now.
A situation in my life led me to reflect on who would be responsible if someone took a certain action after a reading from any oracle.
A few things were passed on to me by my master, although I haven't had many lessons with her yet: never talk about betrayal; don't identify those responsible for murders; warn the consultant not to take any action aimed at finding out more about the subject of the drawing. And I followed all these rules.
One of the waitresses at the café where I study every day asked me to see what had happened to her brother, who had been missing for two years. She (called S. here) had dreamt that he was dead and came to me for confirmation.
I confirmed it, said that the death took place in Rio de Janeiro, and that he was in a serious relationship at the time. The waitress asked me to tell her if he was single or not, as there was a possibility that he had left a child before he died, which I promptly realised was non-existent in the letters. Yes, the brother had died. He had died during a serious relationship, but there are no children from that relationship.
He had died on a trip to Rio de Janeiro, probably to seek a better life (this was told to me by the gypsy). I learnt more about who had ordered his murder and how he had died, and I realised that it was because he was involved in a dangerous life, which would bring harm to me and the deceased's family if I revealed it. The gypsy told me not to reveal it, and I didn't.
That happened a few days ago. Today, when I arrived at the café, one of the other girls told me that the waitress I did the reading for hasn't been to work since, and that she justifies her absences by what I revealed in the letters a few nights ago. Immediately, I felt a sense of guilt beyond belief.
I was told this information about the absence of the deceased's sister from her work twenty minutes ago. And as I write, I feel an immense and irrepressible urge to cry. I feel responsible.
The girls are having to deal with a reasonably full café because of the rainy days, with one less employee, and I feel guilty. It's my fault, isn't it? For revealing information that led to the behaviour of waitress S., who decided not to come to work anymore.
However, waitress F. told me that S. had learnt nothing more from my letters. I only confirmed what she already knew. From what I understood, waitress F. was telling me that I wasn't responsible, because I hadn't given her any new facts that she could focus on to justify her behaviour.
But I can't see it that way. And so I began to debate in my mind whose responsibility it is for actions taken in the face of a print run?
Do I bear responsibility for waitress S.'s continual absences from work, because the reason for her absences is information given to her by me? Or is it her responsibility for missing work? If she dies going after the information I didn't reveal, because I realised it would be dangerous, and I warned her to leave it alone, is it her responsibility for killing her, for the act itself; hers, for going after what she shouldn't have; or mine, for warning her to avoid such an action?
Uncle Ben was right. With great powers obviously come great responsibilities. Are my gift of clairvoyance and the others that make me the witch's soul that I am, blessings or curses in this case? Isn't the responsibility for this waitress's faults mine, because I'm the trigger? It could be, but doesn't she have her own brain to make her own decisions and attitudes?
Do I still feel like crying, feeling guilty? Absolutely. Whether the other girls blame me, I don't know. I have to be responsible for what I reveal, don't I? Wouldn't it be better if I just didn't open any more letters to anyone, even if they asked? Would that be a heretical attitude on my part? Am I denying gifts that are blessings instead of aptitudes that I see as curses at times like these?
Would it be better to have these gifts or to have them taken back by the Gods, since I apparently haven't been using them properly? What would be the right way, given that there are no manuals? Should I take the continual presence of these gifts within my reach as an approval from the deities of how I've been using them, considering that the gods show no mercy, least of all to mortals who use the gifts they've given incorrectly?
To conclude this text, I asked the waitress F. and the waitress I. if they blamed me for the actions taken by the waitress S., and they both said they did not.
"It's her actions, not yours. You're a nice customer, you make us laugh, you trust us, we trust you... There's no reason to hold you responsible for her behaviour when we know and have heard what you've told her and it's not the first time she's been like this. You were just the latest justification," said I., who isn't very talkative.
Still, the question remains. Whose great responsibilities stem from such great "powers" (being, in fact, the powers of the Gods and entities, we humans are only allowed access to them, not their "owners")?
In my opinion, the oracle therapist has a duty to translate what the spiritual plane has to say to those who can't instinctively interpret and translate the signs - it's another language, just like any other. A witch is a native speaker of such a language if she's a medium, while someone who wasn't born with access to the spirit world will have to make an active effort to become fluent. What about the consulter's responsibilities?
I've seen texts about the responsibility of oracles. The right of the consultant is to know the message that the spirit world has to give them. What about duties? What are the duties of a consultant in the face of a draught?
Maybe in a few months I'll have an answer to this within my own spiritual development.
English (UK) 
Português do Brasil