Tag: 2024

Will I spend another Valentine's Day like Hephaestus - being "engaged" but alone?

May 26th, 2024
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"If one day you have to choose between the world and love, remember: if you choose the world, you will be without love, but if you choose love, you will conquer the world with it." 
Albert Einstein, physicist.
```
Today I woke up with a restless feeling in my head. I don't want to pressurise A. into anything and I won't. I'll just send messages wishing my favourite Arian (and the only Arian I like) good luck in his battles at the beginning and end of the week, telling him to celebrate his small victories.

But... I started to wonder if I'm going to spend another Valentine's Day alone. This would be the first one I've actually spent with someone I love, and it's on the 12th. Every 12th, since 12/11, something important has happened in my life. This would be my first Valentine's Day as a witch, and it would be very meaningful if I spent it with him.

I won't ask him anything until at least the week of the 12th. He's not well and I'm not the one who's going to pressurise him into going on a date. Even more so with someone for whom he may no longer have any love interest.

I hope he's better... for him, not for me, and definitely not for us. Fuck that it's my first Valentine's Day as a witch, he matters more to me than this milestone.

Blessed be.

Read more:
The Goddess, the Warrior and the Promise

May 23rd, 2024
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"Persistence is the path to success." 
Charlie Chaplin, artist.
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Maybe it's just not meant to be.

I still love him. A., I mean. But something is obviously preventing him from being with me 100%, and I'd like to help him overcome that barrier, but, Aryan that he is, he won't let anyone see him battling and perhaps being defeated even temporarily, especially not his romantic partner. When would Ares let Aphrodite see him lose, right?

I miss him and worry about him, but I drew on the cards that the relationship will be stabilised by August. Although I can't help and support him during this war for independence and freedom from his mother's control and oppression, I understand why he doesn't want me to be around.

Even more so with me, perhaps being the trigger for such a "final battle" against the old-fashioned and oppressive traditions placed in his upbringing by his mother and his mother's religion. With his Moon in Taurus, it's easy to understand that his emotions spiral when he's not in control. And it's easy to understand that his mother is also a very strong Taurean presence in his life and routine.

Precisely because I love him, I know him well enough to say that I know and I have certainty that he has the courage and strength to win such a battle and conquer the war. He's a warrior, he's achieved so much, and I'm so proud of him for it.

He wasn't chosen by my soulmate for nothing - he's a warrior, strong, protective, loyal, loving and brave just like T. is. And I love them both with all my heart.

As the Maha Lilah said: have faith in Divine Providence. As the I-Ching said: "The woman remains loyal to her dead husband. Even if she would prefer to see with both eyes, she does the best she can with the sight she has left." And I believe in the Goddess, the Coniferous God, Lilah (the dancing force that creates the Universe) and T.

I promised T. last night that I would do my utmost every day to evolve more and more as a person, a wife, a mum and a witch. And I plan to keep my word. When I promise something, it's a guarantee of fulfilment. And so it is above, as it is below.

Blessed be.
How do I balance my concern (and anxiety) about my.... and respect for his privacy?

May 17th, 2024

It's very difficult to love someone as much as I realise I love A. today.

Suddenly, at 10 p.m., I felt in my soul a gigantic anxiety and an absurd need to check on A's well-being:

? How is he feeling at the moment?
Result: Hexagram 6 - Conflict

This print run worried me too much, so I started with the cards. I drew a lot of cards, but a lot. If I summarise the interpretations, I had a fight with his mother about going out after the ballet (he may have been scolded for being late to go to his grandmother's house, which was actually my fault).

As for what Gypsy Magdalene suggests I do to help you wake up...

The Letter + The Woman + The Heart + The Ring + The Birds

As I understand it, I'm supposed to communicate with him vocally, because I'm the one he's in a romantic relationship with. Which implies place. But he's a busy person, and tomorrow he works...

In the end, what can't you do for love?

I meditated at 11.30 p.m. asking for guidance so that I could help the one who has my heart in this life (to make sure it didn't fall on T.).

And to my surprise... the person who came to talk to me was Bel. Belenus, God of the Sun, Fire, companion of the Goddess. His presence is both comforting and terrifying, given the power he undoubtedly has in his existence.

The Fire Lord told me to lose my fear, let the Sun purify my anxiety and call A. at 1pm under the light of the rising sun, because that's the peak of His power. He said that A. is in need of someone to bring the Sun to lighten the oppressive darkness that surrounds him at the moment, and that I'm the only one who cares enough about him to do it.

I asked Iansã and Aphrodite to soothe the pain of the one I love. They both frowned and told me that their domains (the storm, the winds, love, the tide) are neither afraid nor ask for permission, and advised me to call, as it was the consolidation of my concern for the one who occupies my mind uninterruptedly.

I have to swallow my fear and anxiety and hope that everything works out. I hope it does. So be it, and so it shall be.

Especially today, may you be blessed.
May couldn't have taken longer, but it's already arrived with a bang!

May 6th, 2024

I can't describe what seeing A. again did to me... Wow, it's so good just to look at him. Just hearing him sing there without him even knowing I was there was enough, but when my friend denounced my presence and he came to talk to me...

He said he'd come to the café on the Wednesday after school to see me and spend some time with me, but as he says, he's the Knight of Hearts: he makes promises with great intentions of keeping them, but he never manages to fulfil them because something always stops him, and it's not because he doesn't want to.

He told me himself that if I had called him when he was missing, he would have picked up. Now I've learnt my lesson. I'll call him on Wednesday afternoon, around 4pm, and ask if he's really coming. If he doesn't, I'll suggest something for us to do. I want to be there for him more. I want to remind him that he's not alone. Even if I'm not the company he wants... I don't know, he said it was great to see me and that seeing me yesterday gave him strength for today, even if passively. I hope he continues to feel that way... All I want is to see him well, with or without me.

Blessed be.
I'm not a daughter of Oxum, but I don't feel like crying rivers very often.

April 19th, 2024

The problem is that getting a cake from someone sucks. Especially from the same person two days in a row. Not that I think S. is to blame - quite the opposite, I think there's something interfering between us, but...

After my mum verbally slaughtered and tore me apart in the morning, again not letting me sleep, all I wanted to do was call A. It was everything that I wanted to do. I wanted to ask him out for a coffee, I wanted to distract myself and feel supported and with some perspective on the future away from my mum and that I was on my way to trusting people and having confidence in people; being loved and loving people for choice, e choose those I could call family.

Settling things with my master on my own and not owing my mum any satisfaction for my decision took a weight off my back, knowing that perhaps I was once again solidifying my role as the apprentice I was under the guidance of the one chosen to instruct me by the Goddess herself.

But today, all I wanted was to talk to someone who seemed to appreciate me and want me around for who I really am.

Oh dear. Just thinking about his smile and how I feel, or rather felt, close to him in the hours and opportunities we've spent together, made me tear up. And I'm not even on my period...

I think I'll look at my new decks and do a test run with each one.

I miss him so much... Him, T., L... everyone who was and is dearest to me, however short our time together may have been.

...

Blessed be.
The only chance I've ever had to escape my mother's clutches never seems to return

14th April, 2024

My mum tells me not to be afraid of her leaving me with no money, but it doesn't seem that way. Just today she told me to pay for my psychiatrist, blocking me from accessing the bacno's mobile phone as if I were a compulsive consumerist.

She does it just like her father; I don't know how she doesn't see it. Or she must see it and not give a damn.

The clan had once seemed like an opportunity to escape, and it fell apart; as did any job and any way of earning my own money; as did a possible marriage so that my mum would stop saying that I depend on her because she's my only family... Everything is going wrong and I don't know what to do anymore.

I need to get out of this suffocation caused by her boot around my neck, and I don't know what else to do. There's nothing to do in terms of prayer or spirituality. Everything is wrong. Everything is going wrong. Everything, everything, everything, everything.......................................................................................................................................
Artemis has gone up to heaven, she's already come down, Apollo has taken her place and I haven't slept yet

14th April, 2024

Bloody hell. Tonight is particularly difficult. Not that restless legs having an episode are the only impediment: somehow I'm also suffering from heartburn, insomnia, nausea, migraines, hyperactivity... all at the same time.

After I made the final decision not to lift a finger to ask oracles about A., I don't know if this has made me more nervous or calmer; the hormonal lack of control caused by menstruation also doesn't help me understand the confusion in my head about my feelings regarding the path my life should be following but which seems to be deviating more and more sharply with each passing day.

I really hope that tomorrow's "Goddess support group" run of the Oracle of the Goddesses will help, because I'm definitely in need of support. I need to know how to be patient until August and endure all this anxiety. I need to get back to yoga, to eating regularly and healthily... today I'm going to try to reorganise my reminders and tasks apps and see if from Monday I can follow my routine as planned. Yoga was helping to contain my anxiety, maybe it will help again?

We'll see in the morning, I guess...

Blessed be.
I don't feel the need to write every day, no matter how much I've been "prescribed" to do so

April 3rd, 2024

My mum said that if Hecate appeared to me demanding that I blog, perhaps I should write more often. But then I think about what to write about.

The only thing I have to write about today is therapy, and how sad it made me. I agree with K. - that things will only get underway by whatever force of fate is responsible for that part of my life in the second half of the year. However, I still have the same question I asked her today, the answer to which didn't satisfy my self-inquiry. How the fuck am I supposed to distract myself and keep my anxiety out of my passive and active thoughts until then? How do I stay sane and motivated until August?

I had motivation and willpower in November, December, January, February... March has already diminished too much, and now... now I don't feel the presence of any fuel that my vital fire/fire in the arse, to be clear, can consume in order to illuminate my vision of things and warm my cold heart and spirit.

Worse still, if I'd known how to refill such fuel, I would have done it. But I don't. And I don't know how to find out. I have two more sessions tomorrow, and I didn't want to use those times to talk about the same thing. To feel useless and anxious in the same way. To feel confused and weepy and hopeless and once again completely lost and alone and, at the same time, on the edge of an abyss whose floor I have no pretence of seeing. Because I know I won't see the ground, I'll feel broken, I'll feel like I'm about to fall, and I probably will.

I don't even dare ask for guidance from any deity, because I have no way of asking for guidance on a path that I don't even believe exists.

... May you be blessed all the same.
If Hecate has spoken, she has spoken

April 1st, 2024

I wasn't going to write anything. But my mum said that Hecate told her to tell me that I had to write about "today" sitting where I am.

I'd promised the Goddess that I wouldn't write again until after Lent, effectively quarantining myself, and I think she's come to collect. More than right.

Today was... interesting. I was going to go out with S. to study Tarot, but we happened to bump into R. and, outspoken as she is, she immediately took over the day and stopped my Tarot lesson that I was going to give S.

But that led me to draw cards for another protégé of the Lady of the Night, and discover that my master is also of the Lady. I never knew that, and I'm honoured to hear it. She's pretty cool, really, it makes sense to have a Goddess on your shoulder like I do. And still the same. I'm amazed that Hecate even chose me.

Today, T.'s chosen one came out of his quarantine. After not posting anything on Instagram since 8 March, I had been worried until L., T., K., and the Gypsy Ticia (who I have no idea who she is), apart from the Persian Goddess whose identity I have yet to discover, told me that I would know he was physically well on 1 April. Said and done.

He posted a singing reel today, and I missed him so much it broke my heart. I've decided not to work as a prayer therapist this month - I'm going to focus on my studies, not on my practice. Because when I draw for others, I feel like drawing for myself and I see my cards for others being confirmed while all the cards I draw for myself are not.

I apologised to him for burdening him, even though he asked me to tell him everything... But he didn't reply, and if I were him, I wouldn't either. I deleted the Instagram app, considering that I only downloaded it to know that he was alive and well. Its function has been fulfilled.

The Maha Lilah told me to focus on myself, to trust in divine providence and the I-Ching told me to trust in T. And I do, and that's why it hurts. Because I trust so much that I don't want to fail him again. I don't want to fail L. by not being able to bring him to life as I did in my last life.

Perhaps dedicating myself to my studies is the answer for now.

Blessed be.

Written by: Lone Witch
Something's not right.

March 13th, 2024

The complete absence of T.'s chosen one hurts me in a strange way.

It hurts me as a person, because we were going down a very nice path, and obviously, at the very least, I like him. There was no time to fall in love, of course - but my feelings for him go beyond a crush, for example.

It hurts me as a soul because I feel I'm failing T. and L. by not being able to take the relationship with the one they both chose to be my family forward.

But... Yesterday, when I went to see my teacher, my leg started to bruise out of the blue, all day long. And another child bite appeared, on the same leg as the bite that became a scar last month, but on the front of the thigh this time.

Considering that these two things have only happened once in my life, when my uncle was fucking with me and redoing the spell whose purpose is to prevent me from enjoying my completeness as a woman, I decided to stop procrastinating and write down the list of ingredients in the ebó that Taurina received from Oxalá during the conch reading.

I'll list it in this post, so I feel more obliged to keep my word since it seems like I'm promising something to others (even if I'm not, at least it's worth it).

Blessed be.

Solitaire Witchcraft - The lonely path under Hekate's torches

Tag: 2024

Will I spend another Valentine's Day like Hephaestus - being "engaged" but alone?

Read more:

The Goddess, the Warrior and the Promise

How do I balance my concern (and anxiety) about my.... and respect for his privacy?

? How is he feeling at the moment?
Result: Hexagram 6 - Conflict

The Letter + The Woman + The Heart + The Ring + The Birds

May couldn't have taken longer, but it's already arrived with a bang!

I'm not a daughter of Oxum, but I don't feel like crying rivers very often.

The only chance I've ever had to escape my mother's clutches never seems to return

Artemis has gone up to heaven, she's already come down, Apollo has taken her place and I haven't slept yet

I don't feel the need to write every day, no matter how much I've been "prescribed" to do so

If Hecate has spoken, she has spoken

Written by: Lone Witch

Something's not right.

Your basket (items: 0)

Tag: 2024

Read more:

? How is he feeling at the moment? Result: Hexagram 6 - Conflict

The Letter + The Woman + The Heart + The Ring + The Birds

Written by: Lone Witch

? How is he feeling at the moment?
Result: Hexagram 6 - Conflict